I regularly meet with sons, daughters, and spouses of an elder client who is failing. These close relatives often attempt to be the “care giver” for the failing elder, fulfilling their wish to remain at home.
While that is a laudable goal and one that many share, I always caution the caregiver to be very careful about burnout from trying to do too much, both mentally and physically. Care giving for a failing elder is stressful and when it is an around-the-clock obligation, the health of the caregiver is sometimes at risk.
Solutions are very family specific, depending upon who is available. One important theme is for a caregiver to be self-forgiving. I like the myths that my friends at Right at Home, a home health agency recently listed. Each of these (with my paraphrasing) is not true:
• I need to be perfect – no;
• I should only have positive thoughts about what I am doing – no;
• I shouldn’t talk about what I’m experiencing – no;
• I shouldn’t let others know about what is going on – no;
• My needs need to take a back seat to the services I am providing –no;
• Other caregivers are better at this than me and have a better attitude –no;
• I should do it all myself – no.
Caregivers – protect yourself. Dark, cold winter days will increase the chance for depression. Get some relief and thank you for what you do.